make yourself happy

dykeceratops:

twerkyvulture:

twerkyvulture:

dykeceratops:

my wife is constantly mocking me for how lightly done I like my toast. “your hot bread is done,” she says to me. disgusting

i don’t say that. “hot” would imply it’s been in the toaster for more than fifteen seconds lol

“your lightly warmed bread is done” i tell u

one of these days i’m not even gonna put it in the toaster, just gonna breathe real hard on the bread for a minute and you’ll be like “wow this is perfectly done”

“thank you so much for warming up my bread for me honey, I’m so glad we’re married, I love you” I say to you every time your mean little ass makes toast for me

(via capillaryspice)

imp:

right. Whats all this then

(via nonbinarysoup-moved-deactivated)

sobforsirius:

feel im always performing… but to whom??? an imaginary audience??? get it to together this isnt fleabag 

(via awkwardaly)

thecommrade:

nunyabizni:

dangerbooze:

When boys be boys

Just dudes bein bros

Dumbass gravitational pull

(via perks-of-being-chinese)

664:

cats have their priorities straight its 1. stay warm 2. be fat 3. yeah

(via kianlawley)

satinyrose:

but imagine being in your favorite foreign city, living in a cute, cozy apartment with a lovely view, working at a small bookstore, spending your time at beautiful cofffee shops and libraries, taking long walks, meeting new people that make you feel good, being yourself, finding true love and actually feeling good & fullfilled with your life

(via the-restisconfetti)